Blue, The Shade, took me away!

blueshade

I often go with flow i never thought of! till i find it meaningful, and don’t see any plotting behind it; this is my self observation.

Not necessarily every time there were two party involved, or was expressed from either side, most of the time that was just a travel in thought from one side, and needless to say that was stupid me ūüėõ , though i knew it was really stupid to ponder over¬†on such thing, but i kept doing that till i found the unsaid conversation kept going interesting!

when¬†first time i saw her in Blue churidar in some cafeteria in the evening, she was buying something, and unknowingly came exactly in front of me. Oh… i was feeling so excited and little lucky too! I ordered the same item (though was not of my taste), then sat little far from her so i¬†could see the gentle beauty! it was so well composed with perfect voice tonality, i just can’t express in word. and trust me , i controlled myself this time, never wanted look there again, but end up smiling again and again for no reason!¬†never realised when the golden fifteen minutes got over.

Well, absentmindedly i started walking! i accept, but very next day, had really no plan to see her again on same place! when i was enjoying my masala dosa, some loud laughter made me turn to little left, ahhh!! it was she! exactly on partial left, was gossiping with her group, though her voice was really softer, but still i could hear some of the words (unintentionally), the style was more like- will make someone spellbound to hear the next word! and trust me, there was something magical, only can be felt even without realising some of the meanings.

God, now listen! this is what i call a torchure ! It’s even harder than making me work in weekend in the name of overseas opportunities. this is not right!

Last weekend was good, though it was slightly raining, but the good thing was while having chicken tangdi with teachers – i was not there!! Monday is boring for me as usual, so i tend to have more tea break, at outside the gate while having¬†tea, saw the Magician is coming alone to tea stall, but was talking on phone, ¬†and very next moment i thanked God for¬†ending her phone call, just in front of me, i can’t imagine, she smiled,¬†though i was totally confused, it was to me or she has a as usual smiley face or it was just a common ¬†gesture! before i could¬†come to any conclusion,¬†my bloody phone started ringing,¬†was feeling like throwing away the new samsung, but i have to go!

The whole day i was really happy for no reason, some people said “you are in very good mood today – what happened!” – i said “nothing”, the logical true answer. as usual i got too busy with work, ¬†day was passing by, during the week i saw her few times here and there! but the deployment schedule kept me busy enough not to concentrate on any other things.

After the¬†tough week the Friday came, i was in mood to leave little early and relax, it was really cloudy outside, was raining sometimes, the cafeteria was almost empty, while having some snacks and thinking where to go! she entered in almost same blue, but little darker shade, seems¬†her mood was little darker, very quiet than usual, took the corner table, was eating something……. when i was completely absorbed in my observation, suddenly a little girl came running ..saying something in unknown language and hugged her, she was overflowing with joy and happiness!!….and a gentleman was coming towards.

By the time it became really dark in outside too, so i have to leave.

 

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No Logic, some nonsense made sense

officechat1

The feeling was more like walking through a green valley in autumn, big thick  greeneries are changing leaves, and a little cold breeze hugging softly, asking to stop for a while or pass gently, and some unknown noisy birds are making some background music; it was that smooth!

this time duration was nine months long stay in this¬†company, though it was in very early stage of my career, but being in logic building ¬†profession it was not at all difficult for me to understand that i am not going to get the promised job role, and the current role not going to add any value¬†in my future road map, so, staying a single more day in that same company is just waste of time, but then why nine months happily! or i may call it one of the kind of the fun period¬†i had enjoyed in my fifteen years long career. specially when i look back now, i feel it’s perfectly okay to be lazy sometimes.

In general  i am a  lazy person, but in some cases i tend to think faster, and both habit has advantage and disadvantage.

it was just a five people company, so no matter how much differences we all had, over the period of time it became very smooth friendly atmosphere, so most of time we used to talk about our personal life (bakwas) apart from some work, specially when the boss is away, tea time used to be much longer than usual, and more tea break, so it was really happy time! but then when i used to be¬†back at home after¬†work, one question would never let me sleep, am i on right track ! making any progress!! – the simple answer i used to get is “no”.

The answer “No” was enough to make me ready for new job search immediately, but then i will be missing her company, who was on almost same boat, very early stage of career, with an uncertainty for next move, so obviously there was many common topics to discuss which were very helpful at that time, both were worried about¬†career growth¬†(though my worry was hundred times more than her for many other personal reasons)

Earlier i heard about positive vibes, and then felt first time, and it was so strong, absentmindedly i started enjoying so many things when all other parameters were remaining same, many small things which used add stress on me, i started taking them very lightly. i really never realised how did that happen!! there was something which used to keep me on toes, apart from many planning about next move,¬†i also remember one funny recommendation of watching a movie called “job we met”¬†, No, it was not so easy, that i would listen to someone’s recommendation and seriously watch the movie, but i did!

No, hardly we used to have any intellectual conversation, most of the time we¬†used to talk about very regular repetitive stuff, some were really utter nonsense (i was the one who used to start with ūüėõ ) , but there was something i started missing so much, that i never used to miss the office for a single day! otherwise i knew very well how to have stomach pain!

It has been almost 10 years! Yes, I look back sometimes, the life has given us so many meaningless moment in life, which becomes truly meaningful in our journey!

wish i ate the cake that day

cakefeeding

just few months ago, i when i saw the engagement event on her social-profile, was feeling little pain, but did nothing as usual as lazy bone, bloody me! i was still thinking & waiting … i hate my this quality, i knew i should have done something…..but did nothing.

the first time i saw¬†her at a social gathering about 18 months¬†ago, was spell bound by her voice, was a beautiful singer, after introduction, organizer brought a cake (as they do whenever introduce new members to each other), after cake cutting suddenly she came to me with piece of cake (wanted to feed me ūüėõ )¬† ohh… how lucky i was!! but as usual like a stupid, idiot …instead of eating the cake from her hand ..i told her ..i have already eaten ….ops i have never seen a dumb like me¬†..!! but came back with a smile…still remember… the whole day i was very happy!

i kept thinking about her unknowingly, and was asking myself why that¬†feeling¬†! got an answer “it would be nice to grow older together”! there is something magical about her, no, not that sextual appeal, apart from beautiful intelligent eyes she was very kind hearted composed person, exact type i always dreamed of to be with!¬†then often i used to check her social site¬†posts comments, it was not at all difficult to understand that she had a very sharp analytical mind, and already gained huge popularity, probably her beautiful singing is one of the strongest reason. one early morning i saw her status, she was travelling to her native place, i wished her “happy journey” got prompt witty reply, she had very good sense of humor!!

after that i meet her twice, in two more different social gathering, had hardly any interaction, but was feeling very strong ( attraction is not right word) interest to walk with her and talk to her, even started walking too in my dream..!!

with time i got busy with my own battle, i was struggling to make the path so can walk….. ! thought many times to ask her¬†join me … even when the path is not yet ready.¬†¬†but was little hesitated,¬†don’t know why! ¬†one thing came in mind the we need some¬†music in our journey otherwise life would become too monotonous, specially when she got such a beautiful voice, what if i can’t tune the rhythm, that may spoil the such a beautiful creation!!

one day morning saw a message on social feed that she started her journey with that¬†musical body, just could¬†not read further, unsubscribed from that feed, got stopped for sometime with me¬†&¬†my contradictory mind….but have to move on…hope she is enjoying her musical world.

but, still have a wish! .. to walk a whole day with her, ūüėõ and to eat the cake from her hand…..!! too much ? …okay …let it be in just dream!!

10% in corporate

backstab

i have a bad habit of looking back very often, probably that’s the reason of capturing this¬†memory here.

The city was completely new to me, the local language was so difficult, option of socializing was not much, though i was lucky in this matter, got many good people around my new house, even the sons of house owner were very nice to me, but then also was missing some companion, specially in weekdays.

the organization i joined, i really enjoyed¬†the initial days, (was not that scary :P) as i thought it could be). people were nice, though mixing up was not very smooth, ¬†the city was very clean, the place i used to stay was surrounded by thick greenery, could see a beautiful park¬†from my door step. i was just in love with my life after long time, another thing that made me happy is “no traffic” on my way to office, so overall i was relaxing and enjoying my new job in new city.

Soon got started with project, all new people, new project, new excitement with some pressure, slowly got a circle in office as usual, most of them are nice (though there were few to keep me on high alert ūüėõ ), ¬†but few guys become very helpful in many aspect, considering i am new to that city, they used to ask if i have any problem with shelter, food or anything, really become good friends, i honestly started feeling like i know them for long time, also¬†used to talk about many things apart from work.

he used to drop me at home when we worked till late night, talked about many things sitting in the car at mid night in front of my gate, after being exhausted by office works we used to go for dinner, many times we talked about our personal life,  we had party with other good friends from same office, he was very caring, i shared many things about personal life, family etc. with very good believe that we are good friends. i started felling the city became my home by then & i planned the future.

Never realized that we¬†completed one year, so quickly!! and the time for increment, he was worried about his last few project went bad ¬†& got delayed, ¬†was seeing some changes¬†in management, but i was confident about my overall performance, also got certificate for good performance, then the day came!! everyone waited for… their hard work … in his own way… he got 10% !

i simplified and moved on, heavy heatedly left the city too, that day it was raining heavily, i thought the city crying!! oh yes! he still came to drop me at bus stop, i smiled a good bye!

Time passing by

Time passing by so fast! feeling like just few years ago i was in school!! i am still kid, love to play around, same carelessness attitude, though knew¬†the fact – life is tough for me, not born with golden spoon, have to fight for everything… then also there was an excitement¬†in everything, and never thought of tomorrow… but then why this sudden change today ! don’t know. if this is called being matured, i don’t want to be …its foolish thing!

Or, probably i am trying to capture the journey in some invisible canvas.  no, not to share with anyone, just for myself!!

Like many others, i have also come across many people from different background, and some of them are really interesting! many time it happened that after spending some time or after having some conversation i liked them so much, that started thinking like i got very good companions, but but very next moment after seeing some behaviour of same person, my view got changed for ever.

Someone said it right, sometimes we should learn to live the moment, because nothing is permanent, like or dislikes get changed with time and situation, we are just a very individual traveller, who alone will travel through different phase, time, situation & road in life. Every moment is unique & should be enjoyed!